One advantage of losing your biological father early on is that as you grow you can pick and choose who your father figures are. The very cool thing about that is you don’t have to pick and choose from local men. Oh, no. They won’t do. Instead, you can pick among the famous, and switch them out as needed.

Some of you may be arguing  this is not the same as actually having a father. Of course not, but when you are totally without, this is the next best thing. And I must say, I’ve never had regrets concerning the father figures I chose for myself because the decision came out of need and a close connection, a connection I might add that my friends didn’t generally have with their biological fathers.

Mr. Spok

It was in the late 60′s when I lobbed onto my first father figure, Mr. Spok. May sound odd to many of you, especially those of you who wished your fathers were more emotional, more in tune with your feelings. Well, I wanted quite the opposite.

When the adults in my house were well into their beers and vodkas, and arguing over, whatever they argued about incessantly, I knew I could turn to Mr. Spok who was always the voice of logic and reason. Unless Spok was entrenched in some intense mind meld, or the God Apollo had put some stupid spell on Spok, turning him into a singing crying fool (only happened once to my memory) Spok would react to any situation with calm and logic. The biggest reaction you’d get is a quirky  lifting of one brow if he was puzzled by some silly human act.

Kirk: The boundary layer between what and what?
Spock: Between where we were and where we are.
Kirk: Are you trying to be funny, Mr. Spock?
Spock: It would never occur to me, Captain.

As much as I loved the Star Trek universe, I longed to know our own universe. I remember lying on the font lawn, gazing up at the stars, noting how far away they seemed, yet so close. It was not long thereafter when my next father figure stepped onto the scene, Carl Sagan.

Carl Sagan

The Cosmos series was wild and wonderful. Carl’s enthusiasm was infectious, and I was hooked! Now here was a man I could look up to, who I could learn from, who answered so many of my questions, and made it ok to have many more. Carl was a father figure I would revisit often in years to follow, as he guided me with more shows on the universe, human evolution, wonderful books, and the viewpoint that it was ok to question the existence of God.

“It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”

I had a thirst for learning. Unfortunately, school was the last place I could do that. They wouldn’t allow me in science because of my math, and it would have made too much sense to teach me math using astronomy or some other science topic.

I had come to detest rules, and teachers were not happy in having to try to enforce them. On the first day of my English class, the teacher went over the usual rules of the classroom, and while he was finishing, I unwrapped a Hershey bar and began to enjoy it. “Ms. Killeaney! Did I not just tell you that eating is not allowed in my classroom.” I rolled my eyes. “Yes, you did.” And went back to eating another square. “Get out!” So I picked up my chocolate and headed for the door. “Sit down!” I sighed and sat. It was going to be a long year I thought, as I nibbled another chocolate square, trying to block out the sound of his raging at me.

George Carlin

As much as I adored Carl Sagan I needed a father figure who could understand my plight with authority. In stepped George Carlin. Now, here was a man I could relate to. He understood how idiotic teachers were, how truly moronic religion is, how insane society is. Yet, instead of feeding my anger, he showed me how to laugh at it, laugh at the fools who thought they were so smart. George was not afraid to say whatever was on his mind, no matter how against the grain his idea was, how crude or how rude.

George was the first to say the 7 words you can not say on television, and he said it them on television: Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits! George was not only my new father figure, he was my idol. For a few years.

When I had children, I realized the difficultly of continuing on that path while trying to mother new minds. My kids reawakened my desire to learn about the world around me, and I had to call on my previous father figure Carl Sagan. By now Carl had written more books The Dragons of Eden: Speculations on the Evolution of Human Intelligence and The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark, which made me realize how important it was to teach my children to think critically and not be full of religious superstition.

Through the years I could call on whichever father figure suited my needs in that moment whether it was Mr. Spok for his calm and reason, George Carlin for his honesty, irreverence, and humor, or Carl Sagan for his intelligence, curiosity, and enthusiasm for discovery.

President Barack Obama

I had thought I was all but done seeking new father figures when a new, unexpected father figure emerged on the horizon, Barack Obama. Interestingly, Barack is a mix of all my previous father figures. He has the calm and poise of Mr. Spok, the fearless of George Carlin, and the intelligence and open mindedness of Carl Sagan.

I’m not crazy about the fact that he’s Christian, but Barack himself said, “My faith is one that admits some doubt.”  I can not ask for more.

Obama is a mover and a shaker, a man who is not afraid to say this is messed up and we have to change it.  Obama has stood up to this nation and said the health care system is broken, our educational system is broken, and this is NOT a Christian nation, it is secular and includes non-believers! I admire his guts, his levelheadedness, his ability to see sense and reason. And he has the nerve and good humor to say in public, “Kanye is a jackass!” Indeed!

This is the first president in my memory that I really, really like, and I am glad to share this father figure with the entire nation. After all that is one of the the differences between biological fathers and father figures. The latter can be shared.

I don’t know if there will be other father figures in my future, but I am happy to share the ones I’ve had with you.

Tags: Barack Obama, Carl Sagan, George Carlin, Mr. Spok

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 11th, 2009 at 6:43 pm and is filed under Father Figures, Influences. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.