Curbing Cravings
The second of the Four Noble Truths says that craving and attachment are the causes of suffering. This is easy to see when we look at hardcore addictions like smoking, alcoholism, and other drug addictions, as those substances tend to have an ill affects on the mind and the health. But it’s harder to see how craving creates suffering in the things that bring us pleasure and don’t interfere with walking a straight line.
I’ve been looking at this second Noble Truth for some time now, and often quite grudgingly. Recently, at a retreat, though, I had opportunities galore to look at my cravings as they arose. Our teacher Shaila Catherine addressed cravings in one of her talks, and she emphasized the joyous feeling of contentment one experiences in the process of letting go, of the absence of craving. I could relate to what she was saying when I thought back to when I’d quit smoking, the sense of freedom I experienced in being smoke-free. When the cravings for cigarettes disappeared entirely, I felt much contentment. I still do when I think about it. But what about the things I crave that aren’t so heinous?
During a walking meditation with Shaila, I pointed out that I understood the feeling of contentment with the release of something that caused obvious misery. “But what about something wonderful like a brownie? The pleasure that comes from eating one is so intense,” I pointed out, “that it way outshines the simple contentment of letting go.”
“I think you’ll find, ” she said, “that if you really study that pleasurable feeling as it arises that it is in fact mixed with much suffering. The next time you eat a brownie, really look at the experience, the feelings that arise. See if that pleasure is really as big as you think it is and see what else comes with it.”
That night after dinner, I decided I wanted something sweet. A craving had arisen. I decided to indulge it, for the purpose of study of course, and have some tea with a few extra cubes of sugar. When I entered the dining room, much to my amazement and delight, I found a plate of brownies! Not just one, but many. Talk about synchronicity!
I felt my mouth water as a rush of energy moved me quickly to the table to be sure they were in fact brownies. I smelled them as I reached down, and I picked up not one, but three and sat at one of the tables. The room was empty, but as I brought the brownie to my mouth, I worried that others might come and eat the rest of the brownies. Concern arose even before the pleasure of biting into the brownie. As I chewed, I enjoyed the distinct pleasure of the sweetness, the chewy texture, the creaminess of a few chocolate chips hidden inside. I chewed slowly, savoring the flavor, the sweet aroma. It was not just a good brownie, it was perfect, just the way I like them.
As I took my second bite, I looked down at the two others, and I felt the craving arise to eat them too. My mind wondered back to the main plate. Could I take them back to my cabin? No, that wasn’t allowed. But what if they were all gone when I came down in the morning. I realized then that even before I had finished the first brownie, I felt this urge to eat the other two and the rest of the plate! My mind obsessed over the brownies and I couldn’t just focus on the pleasure of what I was eating!
I tried again to just be mindful of the delicious, chewy brownie. I finished the first and moved onto the second, now concerned that after this one I had only one left! I could eat the others on the plate, but I knew my stomach limit and that would be too much. But if I didn’t eat them, would I be able to sleep knowing they were here in the dining room? Madness! I saw with clear sight the madness that was running through my mind. The angst that had risen along with the pleasure of the brownie. I realized what Shaila had said was true. There was much more arising than just the pleasure of the brownie. I swallowed the last of the second brownie and looked down at the third. Could I just let go, walk away? An uncomfortable feeling of resistance arose within me, a feeling like being sucked to the table, and with it the frustration and disgust of knowing I was a prisoner to a stupid piece of food, a non-nutritious one at that. Was the pleasure of brownies really so wonderful that it was worth the crazy thinking and feeling of angst? Was it worth the calories? No. But I couldn’t let go yet.
I ate the third one seeing how fleeting the pleasure was, how difficult it was for me even to enjoy every bite of it, because with each bite came the realization I was almost done. With each bite came the guilt of knowing I didn’t need those calories, of feeling like one brownie should be plenty. With that realization came more craving. There was no end to the craving. I could eat every single brownie, and it would not be enough! Despair began to arise in me. I was caught, snagged by a non-sentient being, a little brownie.
I finished the third brownie and walked over to the plate. How foolish would I have to be to eat an entire plate of brownies? It would make me sick. I know because I’ve done it before. It would be too much. But I wanted them. The craving was as strong now as when I had first arrived in the dining room, but I was no longer delighted. I was disgusted by the strength and the power of the craving. I would resist, and I would let go.
All that over brownies! When I really looked at the feeling of craving itself, it doesn’t feel good. Craving is suffering. But how do we stop the craving? The first step is in just seeing it for what it really is, and seeing the object of the craving for what it really is. There are people who can look at brownies and see them for what they really are — dessert! My craving clearly exalted brownies to some wonderful status and beyond in my mind, sending me reeling out of control. Almost.
I thought about the experience as I lie in my bed. The craving was still there, knowing brownies were nearby. It seemed stupid and silly. I focused on the feeling of craving, just watched it without playing into where it was trying to lead me. I didn’t like it. I wanted it to go away. I thought about some other things that bring about craving of various kinds, and now with clarity I could see the attachment in them, the expectations, the stories, all fabrications of my mind, none based in the reality of the object of the craving.
Buddha said to eat only when hungry, eat only food that is good for the body, and eat no more than is needed. Makes perfect sense, but is that ever a hard one for me. I am looking at this more and more as I reach for foods, and what I see is the craving, the attachment to momentary pleasure. Little by little I am chipping away at the cravings, seeing how they create so much suffering.
The forth Noble Truth is the path to the cessation of craving and attachment. It is here we come for solace, here we learn how to see the craziness we build in our lives through our attachments. Using mindfulness and meditation we bring much needed awareness to the problem, until the problem exists no more. I hope to say one day that I have no more brownie cravings!
Tags: addiction, craving, desire, dukka, Four Noble Truths, Shaila Catherine, suffering.
